Types of Boundaries Every Woman Needs to Know Acrording to Nedra Glover Tawwab
Setting boundaries is an essential skill for maintaining our mental, emotional, and physical well-being, but it’s something many of us find challenging. In her book Set Boundaries, Find Peace, therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab categorizes boundaries into various types to help us better understand how they work in our lives. She also addresses the concept of boundaries that are either too porous or too rigid, highlighting the importance of finding that “just right” balance—a Goldilocks approach.
Too porous boundaries occur when we don’t have enough limits in place, making it hard to say “no” and protect ourselves from emotional, physical, or mental exhaustion. We may find ourselves overextending for others at the expense of our own needs, leading to burnout or resentment. On the other hand, too rigid boundaries are like walls that block meaningful connection. These are overly protective boundaries that may isolate us from others and prevent healthy relationships from flourishing. The key is finding the Goldilocks zone—boundaries that are flexible yet firm, allowing for mutual respect, connection, and space for self-care.
Tawwab’s framework emphasizes that setting the right boundaries is not about being harsh or rigid but about creating a healthy balance where both your needs and the needs of others are honored. Below, we’ll explore each type of boundary she discusses, provide examples, and offer actionable tips on how to set them in your life.
Let’s break down each type of boundary and explore how you can set them effectively.
1. Physical Boundaries
Physical boundaries are the most straightforward type of boundaries. They relate to your personal space, physical touch, and how you want to be treated in terms of your body and personal environment.
Physical boundaries include:
Personal Space: How close someone can get to you. For example, if you feel uncomfortable with someone standing too close to you, that’s a physical boundary.
Touch: What type of physical contact you’re comfortable with, whether it’s hugs, handshakes, or other forms of touch.
Privacy: How much you share about your physical environment, including your home, possessions, or even your health.
Energy: Physical boundaries also encompass how much energy you can give in different situations. For example, you may decide that after a long day, you need some alone time to recharge, which is a physical boundary.
How to Set Physical Boundaries: Setting physical boundaries begins with recognizing your comfort level with touch, proximity, and privacy. If someone’s actions or proximity make you uncomfortable, speak up and express your need for space. For example:
“I need a little more space to feel comfortable.”
“I’m not up for hugs today, but thank you for offering.”
Recognizing and asserting your physical boundaries can be challenging, especially if you’ve been conditioned to ignore your discomfort for the sake of others. But respecting your need for personal space is a key component of self-care.
2. Emotional Boundaries
Emotional boundaries protect your feelings and mental health by determining how much emotional energy you’re willing to give and how much you’re willing to absorb from others.
Emotional boundaries include:
Responsibility for Your Feelings: Emotional boundaries help you define what emotions are yours and what emotions belong to others. For instance, you shouldn’t feel responsible for how someone else feels or act as a caretaker for their emotions.
Emotional Energy: Recognizing your limits in giving emotional support. If you’re already overwhelmed, you may not have the emotional capacity to help others.
Engagement in Emotional Draining Situations: Avoiding or limiting your participation in emotionally exhausting conversations or behaviors, like gossiping or negativity.
How to Set Emotional Boundaries: Setting emotional boundaries requires recognizing when you are becoming overwhelmed and being able to communicate your limits. For example:
“I’m feeling drained right now and need some time to recharge.”
“I can’t take on any more emotional energy from this situation right now.”
Setting emotional boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to putting others’ emotional needs before your own. However, it’s crucial to protect your emotional health by recognizing when it’s time to say “no” or step back.
3. Mental Boundaries
Mental boundaries focus on the limits of your thoughts, beliefs, and intellectual space. These boundaries help protect your ability to think clearly and make decisions that align with your values.
Mental boundaries include:
Protecting Your Beliefs: Standing firm in your own beliefs and opinions, even when they differ from those around you.
Refusing to Absorb Unsolicited Advice: Not allowing others to impose their views or judgments on you.
Thought Independence: Ensuring that you don’t let others dictate your thoughts, self-image, or beliefs about the world.
How to Set Mental Boundaries: To set mental boundaries, you need to be assertive in protecting your thought processes and beliefs. For example:
“I appreciate your perspective, but I see things differently.”
“I prefer not to discuss that right now; I need some space to think.”
It’s important to create a mental environment where you feel safe and free to explore your thoughts without being influenced or overwhelmed by others' opinions. Setting clear mental boundaries ensures that your ideas remain your own.
4. Time Boundaries
Time boundaries protect how you manage your time and commitments, ensuring that you maintain a balance between your obligations and personal needs.
Time boundaries include:
Availability: How much time you are willing to dedicate to work, relationships, or social commitments.
Prioritization: Determining what activities or people require your time and how much of it, so you don’t overcommit yourself.
Rest and Recharging: Allocating time for relaxation, hobbies, and self-care, and not feeling guilty for doing so.
How to Set Time Boundaries: Time boundaries are about scheduling and making conscious choices about how you spend your hours. For example:
“I have a full schedule this week; let’s find a time that works for both of us next week.”
“I need to turn off my phone and take some time for myself tonight.”
Setting time boundaries involves being intentional about where your time goes. By creating limits on your time, you ensure you have enough space for the things that matter most to you.
5. Material Boundaries
Material boundaries focus on how you manage your physical resources, including your money, possessions, and anything else that requires an exchange of material goods.
Material boundaries include:
Financial Limits: Deciding how much money you’re willing to lend or share with others.
Possessions: Defining what you are willing to lend or share with others, and what you are not.
Resource Sharing: Setting limits on how much of your resources you are willing to give away to others.
How to Set Material Boundaries: To set material boundaries, it’s important to be clear about what you are comfortable sharing and what you are not. For example:
“I’m not able to lend money right now.”
“I’m happy to help, but I need to set limits on how much I can share.”
Setting clear material boundaries ensures that you don’t feel taken advantage of and that your resources are protected.
6. Sexual Boundaries
Sexual boundaries protect your body and your emotional and physical comfort during intimate interactions. These boundaries help establish consent and respect within sexual relationships.
Sexual boundaries include:
Consent: Setting clear boundaries about when and how you are comfortable engaging in sexual activity.
Comfort Levels with Physical Affection: Deciding what types of affection (e.g., kissing, touching) are okay, and when you’re not comfortable with physical advances.
Emotional Impact: Recognizing the emotional consequences of sexual activity and respecting your feelings about intimacy.
How to Set Sexual Boundaries: Sexual boundaries require clear communication about your needs and comfort levels. For example:
“I’m not ready to take that step yet.”
“I need to talk about how I’m feeling before we continue.”
By setting sexual boundaries, you protect your body and emotions from being impacted negatively. Consistently communicating these boundaries ensures a mutually respectful and consensual relationship.
7. Relationship Boundaries
Relationship boundaries define how you want to engage with others in personal relationships—whether with family, friends, or romantic partners. These boundaries ensure that interactions are respectful, fulfilling, and healthy.
Relationship boundaries include:
Behavioral Expectations: Defining how you want to be treated in relationships, including respect, honesty, and fairness.
Communication Limits: Setting guidelines for how to handle disagreements, such as avoiding yelling or other disrespectful behaviors.
Time and Energy: Setting limits on how much time and energy you’re willing to invest in relationships.
How to Set Relationship Boundaries: Setting relationship boundaries involves defining your needs for respect, connection, and space. For example:
“I need time for myself this weekend to recharge.”
“I’m not comfortable with how we’re handling conflict; let’s talk about it calmly.”
Establishing healthy relationship boundaries helps create a dynamic where both parties feel valued and respected.
Empowering Women to Set Healthy Boundaries | Therapy Services in Fort Collins
Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is an essential part of self-care, well-being, and thriving in relationships. As outlined in Nedra Glover Tawwab’s Set Boundaries, Find Peace, boundaries are not just about saying “no”; they are about understanding and honoring your needs, and communicating them in a way that fosters respect and connection. Whether it's physical, emotional, mental, time, material, sexual, or relationship boundaries, each type is crucial in ensuring that you protect your space and energy while fostering healthier, more balanced interactions with others.
If you find boundary-setting difficult or have experienced challenges in maintaining them, seeking therapy can provide valuable support. Working with a therapist can help you gain clarity around your needs, practice assertive communication, and overcome any anxiety or guilt that may arise when establishing boundaries. In Fort Collins, Colorado, therapy can offer a safe space to explore your experiences, refine your boundary-setting skills, and create more fulfilling relationships with yourself and others.
If you're ready to work on your boundaries and experience greater peace, consider reaching out us to schedule a free 30-min consultation. Taking the first step toward better boundaries could be the key to unlocking a healthier, more empowered version of yourself.